Minding your Zs and Qs

I'm a Scrabble junkie. My roommate and I play on our deluxe board about five times a week, and over the years I've helped her play more aggressively and wisely. When we first started playing she would become alarmed whenever she drew a high point tile and play it as quickly as possible to be rid of it. I taught her that high point tiles can be powerful and to save them for moves that will get you as high a score as possible. Now I've taken that knowledge and translated it into my dating life. Whenever a man calls or texts, you automatically get a Z or a Q on your "tile holder." When you call him or text him back, you've played your high point tile and you don't get it back again until you hear from him. Additionally, ever day that you don't contact him, whether the ball is in your court or still in his, you get J, or at least a K.

When I told "O" I wouldn't move from making out on the couch to making out on the bed, that was definitely a point in my favor. When I eventually moved to the bed but wouldn't go even close to all the way and left after he fell asleep instead of staying like he wanted me to, that was definitely the biggest Z or Q I have ever had. I kept lots of Js and Ks by not contacting him every day that I didn't hear from him, but when he did text me back or call and leave a message (each of those only happened once after his let's go out text) I played my high point letters right away and they lost their value. I now have not contacted him in a couple of weeks, and while the game is over, since he has not contacted me either, at least in the end I played a good round and bowed out (semi-)gracefully.

Yesterday I went on a date with a guy who contacted me last week through one of my dating sites. I've always been good at holding onto those high point tiles and not writing back right away when it comes to online connections. But when this moved into an actual date, I played the game aggressively and smartly not because of any deliberate game playing but because for once my illness actually worked in my favor. He wanted to meet at 10 a.m., but I said let's meet at 2:00. At the end of our date he wanted to meet again Tuesday, but I said how about Thursday. My reasoning wasn't because I was trying to play hard to get, but because 10 a.m. is really hard for me health wise, and I had already been out two days in a row and didn't think my body could handle a third.

The date started off a bit rocky as "A" asked me if I had done this, or been there, and every time he asked I had to say no. His response was a lot of eye rolling, which I've since determined is a unique response for Indian men and not to be taken as an insult. ("K," who was also Indian, did the same thing.) But before I'd come to this conclusion I decided that I must try to save face and that with all that eye rolling I didn't care whether he rejected me after hearing the truth... So I let him know that I had been sick with something similar to the flu for the past few years that that subsequently I hadn't been able to get out as much as I would have liked. (I didn't tell him that I was basically house bound for a year and a half, and I spun it positively by assuring him that I'm getting lots of tests done.) When I warned him that because of this I might have to bail on him at the last minute on Thursday, he said something that reaffirmed me in a way I wasn't expecting: "We all have things that keep us busy," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Yours just happens to be your illness."

So Thursday I go wine tasting with a man who rolled his eyes because I have never been wine tasting before. While incredibly friendly and relaxed he also seems a bit arrogant, forgot his wallet, and a plethora of hair made its way out of his long sleeve shirt and onto the back of his hand... but I'm trying to keep an open mind. He gives his Zs and Qs away at warp speed, but I have to admit it's nice getting them back on my tile board so often.