Full Dis-clothes-ure

My online dating experience took on a new look recently when I made use of the webcam built into my computer. Using the webcam wasn't my idea. Rather it was the idea of two men who had each contacted me through Plenty of Fish. Shortly after signing on with Plenty of Fish I learned of its reputation for being a sexual hookup site, but I stayed on for awhile hoping to find a diamond in the rough, with a disclaimer in my profile saying that I was not looking for sexual encounters. This disclaimer was even more important because men seemed to latch onto my (covered) breasts in my profile photo more than on anything I had to say.

A few days ago a guy popped up to chat. Normally I ignore these requests, but he was good looking, spoke proper English, and didn't make a comment about my breasts. After some pleasant conversation he asked if he could see me via webcam, and I assented. He praised my smile and my overall look, but then began to turn raunchy, asking to see my breasts. I declined, and he quickly lost interest. Yesterday I closed my account at Plenty of Fish, but today decided to answer someone I had met through that site who I had added to my yahoo messenger site. (I use yahoo for people I meet online because of its anonymity.) He asked if I'd had success at Plenty of Fish, and I said no, citing the previous encounter of "Bobby" asking to see my breasts, and the countless other men who had contacted me with a hint of vileness. We turned on our webcams, at his suggestion, and he immediately turned raunchy as well, commenting, as many men do, that my lips look very kissable. He then asked for a picture of my legs. Disgusted, I declined, and he disappeared. My third experience with the webcam came a couple days ago when another guy I had previously texted with asked to webcam as well, and he popped on without a shirt on, looked like a serial killer, and started off the conversation saying how good looking I am. I quickly said I had to go and took him off my messenger list.

This whole webcam thing has left me feeling slightly "meat-ified," and not in a good way. We know that men always check women out, and most of us, including myself, do the same when we scope dating profiles, bars, guys behind us in line at the grocery store, etc. But what happened to wanting to know what someone's hopes and dreams are? Do we not really care about those things but just pretend we do? Are these men just being honest about their intentions while others are more skilled at playing the game? If either of these men (aside from serial killer) had asked about my job, my pets, my favorite movies, etc., I would have been more willing to take my clothes off eventually. Well, after a few in-person dates. But not only did these men not care to know about the inner me, they also didn't care to share about themselves. Now, there may be women out there who get turned on by a guy who sends them a picture of their gigantic penis, but most women I know would be more turned on by a guy who sent them a picture of their gigantic dog who they shower love upon. Most of us care more about the girth of a man's heart, not the girth of his loins. Why do so many men have such a hard time realizing this?

The emergence of webcams brings dating to a whole new level no matter how one uses it and what one's intentions are. If speed dating was once the wave of the future, it has been replaced by "dating" that can take five seconds instead of five minutes. I knew within five seconds that I did not like shirtless guy. However, much of my dislike might have been the fact that he was shirtless. Can you imagine going on a first date with someone and having them take their clothes off at the restaurant? It seems to speak of a certain desperation and a childlike mentality of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." It also takes away all chivalry, all adherence to the natural process of dating, and all sense of communing with fellow human beings. It places us as Hottentots in the midst of carnal lust and judgment. I recently lowered my standards a bit because of my disability, thinking maybe I've been too reserved in regards to the mental image of my future mate. But today all that reservation returned. Whoever I spend my life with will be someone amazing, smart, mature, family-oriented, and who doesn't ask to see my breasts but rather expresses physical intimacy as an outward expression of the love he feels for me. He also won't be the "infamous O" who has turned to crazy house parties and nightly sexual rituals that shake the walls. My faith in the male species has been shaken as of late, but male maturity is out there... Somewhere.