Recycled Matches and Emotional Dumping

Last week was "let's give the guys another chance week." First I noticed on OkCupid that Hairy Guy who Forgot His Wallet on our date last year keeps returning to my profile, so I sent him an email thinking maybe I'd judged his flakiness and hairy hands too quickly. Of course I mentioned neither the flakiness nor the hair in my message, but he must have known the gravity of his faux pas because he reassured me that he would not forget his wallet next time.

Right after I emailed Hairy Guy (I sadly can't remember his name), I got an email from M whom I had rejected a couple months ago. The night of my hangout with D, I got my first text from M, which said among other things, "How is your day going on." I replied that I was about to leave to see a friend in Seattle, and he replied "Is it just a friend or a hot date. Either way enjoy your time." Now, since this was his second-ever text after just one or two emails, this question of his stood out to me as a big red flag. And because D's and my night did turn into a date of sorts, I texted him back something to the extent of, "It did turn into a hot date. Sorry!"

M completely forgot our earlier correspondence and messaged me on OkCupid just like he had on Match. I sent him a jovial reply, and we got to texting, chatting, and preparing for a weekend date. Sure, there were little red flags... He still seemed a bit insecure and nosy about just what my date with D had entailed. But on the flip side our conversation was more intelligent and mutually caring than any I've had online ever. He is also, from his picture, exactly my type.

Things took what I thought to be a positive turn when M returned from a night out with his sister, and all pretenses fell as he, and then I, and then he again, and then I again, shared what turns out to be very similar life stories, in both their good and not so good aspects. "I've never told anyone I've dated this before," he said. "We have this amazing connection," he said. Then he slowly pittered away over the next few days, saying that he was embarrassed by all he told me, and now, five dates later, we've barely spoken and have no future date planned. From what I can see, I have been officially emotionally dumped upon and then taken out with the trash.

M is obviously not ready for real emotional attachment, but frustratingly these types of men seem to be the ones who find me. It would take more than my two hands to count all the men who have simultaneously said they feel incredibly comfortable around me, think I'm hot, and then disappeared. And not just online, but throughout my entire dating life. What is the answer? Do you close yourself off? Become less understanding? More outwardly judgmental? Less caring? I have no answers, only questions. And a date with Hairy Forgot Wallet guy, which, despite my name for him, is a date I'm looking forward to.